03 April 2013

today

today i am the grumbliest grumble. 

i woke up on the wrong side of the bed...and you know what i did? i typed out a long, self-pitying post about that. i wrote about what well-meaning people say when they find out we'll have to conceive in-vitro. i wrote about being scared about that too. i wrote about telling someone else, God has a plan for you that's more beautiful than the one you can imagine. i wrote about how i was telling that to myself, actually. i wrote about being 24. i wrote about feeling bitter. i wrote about feeling guilty about feeling bitter. and in writing, i felt worse, and then, slowly, better. and then you know what i did? i deleted it. because, i think, sometimes when you're worried, or you're scared, or you're frustrated -- maybe more than you've ever been -- those are the days when you try your darndest to rise above it. there will be days i won't be able to do that. i know those kinds of days are ahead of me. but today, darn it, i can.

 and then i took myself on a walk instead -- because going on walks is what i do when i want to feel better. and now (because it's my blog & i feel like it) i'm going to be cheesy: downtown denver is full of historic brick buildings. paint on the outside of the structures still declare what the buildings once housed -- paper mills, tramways -- preserved, in homage to the buildings' original plans. but over time, as new things have come in, and other things have grown out, the insides of these buildings have changed -- some are lofts, some are offices, some are shops. sometimes, it's not enough to say, "oh, i don't have this one thing now, but i will soon," or "it'll happen just like i want…it just hasn't happened yet." make room for new, good, unexpected things on the inside. you don't have to give up on what you want the most. and you know what? you shouldn't. please don't. but do remember: you are still that good old brick building -- and you are resilient, and you are strong, and your soul is something worth taking care of. take care of your soul -- love it, nurture it -- and worry less about what your soul seeks. look, look, look for the good -- especially when you don't want to -- and goodness will find you. actually, it's been in you all along. 

20 comments:

  1. Your words are so beautiful. Words & your pictures. Especially to describe how you're feeling. Not that you want to hear this, but in the future, everything will make sense. It always does. Trust in the Lord. It WILL all work out. Keeping you in my prayers!

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  2. It is so true, that God has such an amazingly beautiful plan that you could never in your wildest dreams being to imagine. And also, He is faithful to fulfill his promises.

    I'm glad you're feeling a little better.

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  3. this is beautiful, bridget. sometimes it's just about finding the good when you don't feel so good. i hope your day is a little bit brighter after your walk! God is so good and His love never leaves us.

    xo,
    kristyn

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  4. Ive been following you for a few months and ive never commented on anything, but for this i just have to say thank you. Ive had a lot of days like this in the past week and its been hard. Your words really touched me and i feel so less alone now. You have such a blessed life and youve shown me that, even though there is so much more i want, i have a very blessed life as well.

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  5. Just know that there are a lot of us keeping our heads up, and though we are apart we are together in hope, and that is beautiful.

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  6. Beautiful Bridget, it pains me to see you so down because you have the sweetest heart and soul ever. I just have this weird feeling of never wanting you to hurt because I think you're an incredible person and don't deserve that. I'll be thinking + praying for you! x

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  7. in today's society, we reject unhappiness. we say that life is full of ups and downs; but as soon as the downs come, we push them away 'move on,' 'get over it,' 'look on the bright side.' but it's more of a balancing act of accepting those days but not letting them drag you down. just like you say, you just gotta keep looking for the good. i don't know what you and robbie are going through with the stuff about in vitro, or if that was a metaphor, or unrelated to you two specifically, but my heart sympathizes, from its very bottom. don't be afraid to be a grumble, and maybe treat yourself to some ice cream or a new book.

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  8. You are such a wonderful person and I hate that you had such a rough day. I'm so glad that you were able to find some positivity and peace today, despite everything. <3
    the-creationofbeauty.blogspot.com

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  9. My brother recently had one of these worry moments and even a walk couldn't cure his mountain of worries. The only thing I can say is that everything is going to be okay. You're healthy and you have your family and friends, and with one day at a time, you'll accomplish all of the goals that you dream of :) We're just impatient beings and we want to accomplish our goals. But once we do, sometimes we forget that this is where we wanted to be so badly. Cheer up and chin up!

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  10. Your writing is so beautiful and encouraging! I feel the same way at times, and it's difficult to step back and imagine everything falling in place, but I love the perspective you gave. You have a beautiful soul. Chin up, buttercup. :)

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  11. I appreciate your encouragement and I hope you know that I hope and pray for peace in your life. You are strong and beautiful and God knows you and DOES have a plan for you.

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  12. this is perfect. from a fellow lady having a bad day. or week, or month or whatever, this help. thank you.

    K

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  13. :) This is exactly what should come out of a bad day. Thanks for this reminder!

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  14. you'll be ok, pretty girl!! i LOVE this post. i read it at the perfect time.

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  15. I'm somewhat new to this blog, but i really like this post. I struggled with many a bad days, and it's so easy to give up and throw in the towel, but you're right... God sees and knows all and He'll work everything out for our good. It has taken me so long to move past these feelings when they come, but I'm finally learning. And I'm glad to know that someone else also has that push to get themselves out of a funk. :-)

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  16. I must tell you.... I find you one of the most beautiful people out there in this blogging world. Why? because not only are you gorgeous on the outside, but you are beautiful in the inside. Your way with words is brilliant; they are so pure, thoughtful and real. I have read and reread your Easter post several times (I even made my husband read it).... You are genius. Bad days are tough. The good news? We all have them. You are never alone. Cheesy as that may sound- it's true. Keep your head high- you have the world at your feet, even on those bad days. You are correct, God has a plan for you and He knows you better than you know yourself. He will never give you a trial that you can't overcome- remember that. Sending happy thoughts and prayers your way! xoxo

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  17. I've been grumpy all week. It's so tough to get out of ruts. the weather doesn't help when it's gloomy too. But chin up buttercup :] you've got a rockin blog.

    Check out the free people giveaway on my blog!
    http://www.freelyronnie.blogspot.com/2013/03/free-people-accessory-giveaway.html

    xo sharon

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  18. This was beautiful. Thank you.

    www.hellogloua.com

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  19. aw this is such a sweet post, Bridget. I wish you'd written it a couple of weeks ago because it sums up exactly how I was feeling.. and I was the same, it for now apparent reason. Nothing was particularly wrong, but then nothing felt right. It was as though something in the back of my mind was pulling at little threads and unravelling everything around me.. I knew I should feel happy because I've been really lucky in the last 6 months: all of the internships paid off and I found myself in a job I love. But I think a combination of a few things not going exactly the way I thought they would, and stress from work with websites launching and lots of new clients to look after, kind of took over. So instead of happy I just felt drained by everything. I stopped wanting to write. At all. And all the while I had friends pulling me through telling me the feelings would pass. Now the things I was disappointed about are no longer relevant because the situation has changed and I'm back to my usual self. I think it made me realise though why I can't run myself into the ground, and that I do have a lot to be grateful for. I'm glad you're feeling better now too.

    Hannah xx

    www.raspberrykitsch.com

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