on the way down to cannon beach, oregon, we took the coastal drive -- this, rather than passing through portland & cutting across to the sea; we did coming back. (we didn't plan to, coming back-- but saw the this-way-to-portland sign wink promising above the trees, veered off to the right and into the city where he once proposed to me.) there and back, in the car, i fiddled with my necklace, brushed my fingers across it, felt its good weightiness (but not heaviness) on my collarbone. a substantialness. and that's how i feel being back in the northwest.
new words -- wrongwheres & rightwheres. i was thinking of how being tethered to a wrongwhere feels worse than wrong. it feels unsubstantial. it feels like endless fixing the not-problem. it feels like circularity, and not like a coming home circle but something more like an oval in fact, unexpectedly edgy and shifting, tedious. oh, but rightwheres. how being tethered to a rightwhere doesn't feel like being tethered at all but somehow, curiously, like being untethered. and full of your own good weighty spirit, now unspent on other things. and you know it in an instant. you're home.